Heyy all,
Just an update from last post, I have found the jacket I was looking for. It turns out that it has been sitting at the hair salon for about 3 weeks. I really do think I am forming memory loss, which is not good.
Anyway, some weird things happened yesterday and last night. My mom and I were able to see my little cousins and my aunt and uncle at the local Rainforest Cafe. My little cousins enjoyed seeing all of the rain forest animals. During the lunch, my mom took my baby cousin over to the big fish tank. When they were there, she was saying "Nonno, Nonno, Nonno". Some of you may know that my grandfather (Nonno) passed away in September of 2013, exactly a month before my baby cousin was born. Therefore, my cousin was not able to meet my grandfather. The fact that she was calling for him is a little freaky because that means that maybe she saw his spirit.
That night when my mom and I were going to sleep, we heard a weird noise. We looked at the dogs to see if it was them but it wasn't and then we realized what it was. The noise was coming from the radio in the kitchen. For some odd reason, the radio turned on by itself. This is the second time this has happened and I am beginning to think that my grandfather has something to do with it. Maybe he is trying to send us messages.
My stress has not gone down at all. I am currently researching stress relievers. I think the biggest stress I have is not knowing what college I am transferring to. I know that I will go somewhere but I don't know where exactly. There are times when I think I am not going to get in anywhere because that's what I like to do. I like to put myself down for no reason and I don't know why. Why do people do that? Why do people waste the time to put themselves down when they could be using that time to build themselves up?
Well thats all for now but I will try and post later on.
Love you all,
Hannah
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Stressing big time!!
Hi all,
I don't know why but I have been stressing so much this week and it shouldn't be this way because I am on Spring Break. With setting up pages for the school newspaper to trying to find my favorite jacket, I don't know which is stressing me more; or maybe its a combo of both. To be honest, I think its my jacket thats stressing me more. It may seem so minuscule to be stressing over finding a jacket but to me its so much more. Lately, I have been forgetting a lot more stuff. I am remembering to do things at the last minute and sometimes I remember to do things when it is too late. I am scared that me forgetting things will lead into something so much more. What if I am getting memory loss? I am only 20 years old, its too early for me to be forgetting things like this. I have been praying to find my jacket not only because I just want my jacket but I have been beating myself about this for so long. I keep telling myself that I am stupid for loosing clothes. I have been calling myself stupid a lot and I think that is what is making it worse. It has gotten to a point that I am crying over this. So stupid, right? Majority of today was spent crying over where my jacket is and then the other part of today was telling myself that I am stupid for loosing or forgetting something. See now that I am thinking about my jacket again, I have started to cry again. I know I will find it somewhere but it is just killing me that I don't know where it is. If it is at school, I hope it stays where ever it is until I get to it. If it is at someones house, than I hope they or I will find it soon because I would like to stop telling myself that I am stupid. It may seem so simple but if you call all pray that I find my jacket, that would be great!
Thanks and I will keep you all updated!
I don't know why but I have been stressing so much this week and it shouldn't be this way because I am on Spring Break. With setting up pages for the school newspaper to trying to find my favorite jacket, I don't know which is stressing me more; or maybe its a combo of both. To be honest, I think its my jacket thats stressing me more. It may seem so minuscule to be stressing over finding a jacket but to me its so much more. Lately, I have been forgetting a lot more stuff. I am remembering to do things at the last minute and sometimes I remember to do things when it is too late. I am scared that me forgetting things will lead into something so much more. What if I am getting memory loss? I am only 20 years old, its too early for me to be forgetting things like this. I have been praying to find my jacket not only because I just want my jacket but I have been beating myself about this for so long. I keep telling myself that I am stupid for loosing clothes. I have been calling myself stupid a lot and I think that is what is making it worse. It has gotten to a point that I am crying over this. So stupid, right? Majority of today was spent crying over where my jacket is and then the other part of today was telling myself that I am stupid for loosing or forgetting something. See now that I am thinking about my jacket again, I have started to cry again. I know I will find it somewhere but it is just killing me that I don't know where it is. If it is at school, I hope it stays where ever it is until I get to it. If it is at someones house, than I hope they or I will find it soon because I would like to stop telling myself that I am stupid. It may seem so simple but if you call all pray that I find my jacket, that would be great!
Thanks and I will keep you all updated!
Sunday, April 13, 2014
April 13, 2014: Great Weather, Great Attitude
Good Morning,
Some things have changed since last posting. The weather has gotten so much better which makes me even more happy. Also, the dog we had named Ziba has found a new home. I thought that I really wanted her but now that it has been some time, I have realized that it really would have been too much work. With out her, we kind of just went back to normal. Now we have all the time in the world with Wrinkles and her new owners are our friends so they told us we can visit her when we want, so its not really like she is gone because we get to visit her. I am very happy for her because the update that we got from her new owners was that she already is starting to get attached to them which is great and she is playing a lot with her new older "brother" (they have another smaller dog). It was bitter sweet to give her away but in the long run, I know its better, so I am very happy.
Easter is in exactly one week and I am so excited because I have decided to make a 3-D lamb shaped cake. I have never done anything like this but I am going to try. I am also excited to decorate it because I am planning on learning how to make fondant decorations which I will use on the cake.
Besides the happiness behind Easter, it is also a sad time for my family and I. As I have said in my previous posts, my Grandfather passed away in September and this Easter will be the first with out him. Its going to be hard but we have to get through it so that we can remember him from the times we have had with him. We are all going to miss him but I know he is looking down on us and I hope he is proud of what we have been doing and how we have become.
Today I am going to be going to my aunt's beach house for the first time in the warm weather we are having. I have been there before but the weather was cold and was definitely not like the weather today. Hopefully we have a good time and make more memories.
I am going to try and post more often because it seems to help with my emotions because lately I have been bottling them up inside and its good that I can let them out in my posts.
That's all for now but I will probably post later on and talk about how the day went.
Talk to you all soon,
Hannah
Some things have changed since last posting. The weather has gotten so much better which makes me even more happy. Also, the dog we had named Ziba has found a new home. I thought that I really wanted her but now that it has been some time, I have realized that it really would have been too much work. With out her, we kind of just went back to normal. Now we have all the time in the world with Wrinkles and her new owners are our friends so they told us we can visit her when we want, so its not really like she is gone because we get to visit her. I am very happy for her because the update that we got from her new owners was that she already is starting to get attached to them which is great and she is playing a lot with her new older "brother" (they have another smaller dog). It was bitter sweet to give her away but in the long run, I know its better, so I am very happy.
Easter is in exactly one week and I am so excited because I have decided to make a 3-D lamb shaped cake. I have never done anything like this but I am going to try. I am also excited to decorate it because I am planning on learning how to make fondant decorations which I will use on the cake.
Besides the happiness behind Easter, it is also a sad time for my family and I. As I have said in my previous posts, my Grandfather passed away in September and this Easter will be the first with out him. Its going to be hard but we have to get through it so that we can remember him from the times we have had with him. We are all going to miss him but I know he is looking down on us and I hope he is proud of what we have been doing and how we have become.
Today I am going to be going to my aunt's beach house for the first time in the warm weather we are having. I have been there before but the weather was cold and was definitely not like the weather today. Hopefully we have a good time and make more memories.
I am going to try and post more often because it seems to help with my emotions because lately I have been bottling them up inside and its good that I can let them out in my posts.
That's all for now but I will probably post later on and talk about how the day went.
Talk to you all soon,
Hannah
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
April 8th, 2014: I just need to let it out
Its been a while since posting on my blog, I actually think that this is the first post in 2014. So much has happened, again I am finding that I don't know where to start.
I am officially at a new school (Middlesex County College), and I am happier than ever. Even if this school is a community college, its better than Fairleigh Ridiculous and it is a perfect place to start over. The professors here care more and the kids are so much nicer. My first semester here (2nd semester of college) is already almost over. It is amazing how much time has passed. I feel as if I am on the right path unlike at Fairleigh Ridiculous where it was definitely the wrong choice and I highly recommend people that are thinking of applying to FDU to reconsider because it is not what it seems. Don't be fooled by the first visit and orientation, that was my mistake. As my mom and I were taking a tour of the school, I remember saying how great it seems but that was all their plan. Its like false advertising, they said they are such a almighty and grand university but they are anything but. Some of their faculty definitely should not be working with people especially the Dean of Students. OMG was she a miserable mess that should not be in contact with people. That is all I am going to say about her because if I say more, than there are going to be some choice words.
Anyway moving on from the hell that is Fairleigh Ridiculous, lets talk about other things.
Unfortunately, one of my aunts on my dad's side passed away the day before my birthday. She passed away on January 27, 2014. She was the greatest aunt anyone could ask for. She treated me as if I were her daughter and stood up for anyone deserving. I took the honor of putting together two picture boards for her service, one of which had a poem that I wrote for her. As I was doing the poster boards, it brought back so many great memories which will help with the coping of her death. I will definitely truly miss her and I hope she is in a better place because she was truly an angel.
To a more positive note, my dad brought another dog home. At first my mom and I didn't want her but she ended up in our house and we have had her since this morning. She is a 5 month old Pit bull puppy that we named Ziba, but she is not the type you think. My mom and I were very shocked because she was the sweetest thing ever. At first we had a woman look to see if she wanted her because we didn't think we could handle it since we already have a dog, cat, new fish tank and pond. But the woman that came to see her actually convinced us to keep her. I was so excited to have another dog and a little "sister" for Wrinkles (my 3 year old Shar Pei). But unfortunately it was decided after a few days since we decided to keep her that we would give her away to the same lady. I thought it would be good since it would be less work and less headache for my mom but now I regret agreeing to give her away. I feel as if I made the wrong decision, now I am missing her dearly. I know that at the home she will be going to, she will have a great life with lots of love and hugs and kisses but I didn't expect to feel this way. I didn't think I would get so attached to a new dog. Before coming to school this afternoon, I made sure to say bye to her with lots of hugs and kisses. The sad part was that as I was saying bye to her, I realized that that was the last time I would be able to feel her soft fur and play with her. She was so lovable and playful and was so good to Wrinkles. What made me upset was before I put her in the crate so I can leave my house, she fell asleep on top of Wrinkles and then Wrinkles fell asleep next to her. Wrinkles really loved her too, he would play with her all the time. Especially outside, they would run around my yard together and jump on each other, it was so sweet. Now we wont have that anymore, and I really am upset but I am afraid it is too late. Today is her trial day with her new family and their dog, if the two dogs get along, then its done, shes with them permanently. I am secretly hoping that they wont get along so we could keep her but since she is such a sweet dog, I fear that that wont happen. I really do hope that she gets a permanent home but I hope that that permanent home is with us. Until tomorrow, I wont know and I will definitely update everyone.
Until then,
Hannah
P.S- Lets hope Ziba gets to stay with us.
I am officially at a new school (Middlesex County College), and I am happier than ever. Even if this school is a community college, its better than Fairleigh Ridiculous and it is a perfect place to start over. The professors here care more and the kids are so much nicer. My first semester here (2nd semester of college) is already almost over. It is amazing how much time has passed. I feel as if I am on the right path unlike at Fairleigh Ridiculous where it was definitely the wrong choice and I highly recommend people that are thinking of applying to FDU to reconsider because it is not what it seems. Don't be fooled by the first visit and orientation, that was my mistake. As my mom and I were taking a tour of the school, I remember saying how great it seems but that was all their plan. Its like false advertising, they said they are such a almighty and grand university but they are anything but. Some of their faculty definitely should not be working with people especially the Dean of Students. OMG was she a miserable mess that should not be in contact with people. That is all I am going to say about her because if I say more, than there are going to be some choice words.
Anyway moving on from the hell that is Fairleigh Ridiculous, lets talk about other things.
Unfortunately, one of my aunts on my dad's side passed away the day before my birthday. She passed away on January 27, 2014. She was the greatest aunt anyone could ask for. She treated me as if I were her daughter and stood up for anyone deserving. I took the honor of putting together two picture boards for her service, one of which had a poem that I wrote for her. As I was doing the poster boards, it brought back so many great memories which will help with the coping of her death. I will definitely truly miss her and I hope she is in a better place because she was truly an angel.
To a more positive note, my dad brought another dog home. At first my mom and I didn't want her but she ended up in our house and we have had her since this morning. She is a 5 month old Pit bull puppy that we named Ziba, but she is not the type you think. My mom and I were very shocked because she was the sweetest thing ever. At first we had a woman look to see if she wanted her because we didn't think we could handle it since we already have a dog, cat, new fish tank and pond. But the woman that came to see her actually convinced us to keep her. I was so excited to have another dog and a little "sister" for Wrinkles (my 3 year old Shar Pei). But unfortunately it was decided after a few days since we decided to keep her that we would give her away to the same lady. I thought it would be good since it would be less work and less headache for my mom but now I regret agreeing to give her away. I feel as if I made the wrong decision, now I am missing her dearly. I know that at the home she will be going to, she will have a great life with lots of love and hugs and kisses but I didn't expect to feel this way. I didn't think I would get so attached to a new dog. Before coming to school this afternoon, I made sure to say bye to her with lots of hugs and kisses. The sad part was that as I was saying bye to her, I realized that that was the last time I would be able to feel her soft fur and play with her. She was so lovable and playful and was so good to Wrinkles. What made me upset was before I put her in the crate so I can leave my house, she fell asleep on top of Wrinkles and then Wrinkles fell asleep next to her. Wrinkles really loved her too, he would play with her all the time. Especially outside, they would run around my yard together and jump on each other, it was so sweet. Now we wont have that anymore, and I really am upset but I am afraid it is too late. Today is her trial day with her new family and their dog, if the two dogs get along, then its done, shes with them permanently. I am secretly hoping that they wont get along so we could keep her but since she is such a sweet dog, I fear that that wont happen. I really do hope that she gets a permanent home but I hope that that permanent home is with us. Until tomorrow, I wont know and I will definitely update everyone.
Until then,
Hannah
P.S- Lets hope Ziba gets to stay with us.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
The Day has Come: December 19th, 2013
The day has finally come; the day I get to move back home. Its going to be bittersweet considering the fact that I have been living here for close to 5 months. Even if my journey ended sooner than expected in the beginning of the year, I still enjoyed the experience and the lessons I learned from it. I will cherish the friends I have made and the great professors I had (a select few were great).
As I sit at my desk and look out the window for the last time in Paramus, I remember that this isn't the end but the beginning of a new journey full of changes and fresh starts.
There is not much else to say right now, but I will definitely post later on and update on how the move went.
As I sit at my desk and look out the window for the last time in Paramus, I remember that this isn't the end but the beginning of a new journey full of changes and fresh starts.
There is not much else to say right now, but I will definitely post later on and update on how the move went.
~Hannah
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
December 18th, 2013: End of the day update
As the day is soon to end, I thought I would post an update. My life at FDU has finally ended and it is now time to move back home and start a new life at Middlesex Community College. I had my last final today and I couldn't be happier. Although I am not sure how I did on this final (math), I feel confident that what ever it is will be fine.
Tomorrow marks the day where I can start from scratch and become a new and better version of me. I will be a little sad because my aunt's house has been my home for the past almost 5 months. Although my cousins and I have had our moments (previously shown in other posts), I truly am going to miss them. They were like a brother and sister that I never had, my aunt and uncle were like second parents to me and the fact that they opened up their home to me makes me so appreciative. Its amazing because it feels like yesterday that I moved in; its surreal because the time has gone so fast.
I also am thankful for moving up north because I got to see my grandfather more before he passed. I will always cherish the extra days I had with him that I probably would not have had if it wasn't for moving into Bergen County.
Its especially going to be hard this Christmas because it is going to be the first with out my Nonno. Then a couple days after Christmas is my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary; that is going to be especially hard for my grandmother. Hopefully we can keep the Christmas spirit alive while knowing that our grandfather will be forever in our hearts and memory.
Overall I had a pretty good day and I cant wait for tomorrow (minus the loading my car with all my stuff) so I can finally be back at home with my favorite cat and dog and parents.
Tomorrow marks the day where I can start from scratch and become a new and better version of me. I will be a little sad because my aunt's house has been my home for the past almost 5 months. Although my cousins and I have had our moments (previously shown in other posts), I truly am going to miss them. They were like a brother and sister that I never had, my aunt and uncle were like second parents to me and the fact that they opened up their home to me makes me so appreciative. Its amazing because it feels like yesterday that I moved in; its surreal because the time has gone so fast.
I also am thankful for moving up north because I got to see my grandfather more before he passed. I will always cherish the extra days I had with him that I probably would not have had if it wasn't for moving into Bergen County.
Its especially going to be hard this Christmas because it is going to be the first with out my Nonno. Then a couple days after Christmas is my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary; that is going to be especially hard for my grandmother. Hopefully we can keep the Christmas spirit alive while knowing that our grandfather will be forever in our hearts and memory.
Overall I had a pretty good day and I cant wait for tomorrow (minus the loading my car with all my stuff) so I can finally be back at home with my favorite cat and dog and parents.
I will make sure to post tomorrow and let all of you know how the day turned out!!
Good Night!!
~Hannah Fakhrzadeh
December 18th, 2013: Who I want to be
Since I am in college, I don't get to watch a lot of my favorite TV shows when they first air. So when I sat down to see last night's episode of Awkward, a question from the show got me thinking. Who do I want to be? Like Jenna, it took me a little while to figure it out and then I thought, I have known who I want to be all along but I just didn't accept it as a reality.
I want to be a successful woman who can support her self and doesn't need to rely on some one. I want to be a newscaster for Channel 7 News or Good Morning America. Eventually, I want to be a wife and mother who can teach my family what I have learned through all my experiences. I want to be someone that doesn't care what people think and I want to be able to just let their hate full words fly right past me with out having any affect.
What is stopping me? The force stopping me is myself. I am not believing in the fact that I can become all of that if I just believe that it is truly going to work out the way I want.
Today is my last full day in Paramus until tomorrow when I move back home. I am going to take this opportunity of moving back home to start fresh. I am going to become a new me; I am starting at a new school in the end of January and I am going to make new friends; I will make friends that genuinely care about me and I know they wont become back stabbers like some of the friends I have made.
With moving back home, I am going to do a complete turnaround; I am going to start taking better care of my self and my appearance. My mom has always said that if I want to make it big in Newscasting, I have to have a great appearance; She is not just talking about makeup (I rarely wear make up, if I do it is either for a party or I just put on a little), she is also talking about confidence. She tells me that you need to walk with great posture because that will show people that you are confident in yourself and what you are doing. Which is true, I have finally realized that slouching (my personal favorite) does not look good at all. When some one slouches, it means that they are not confident in themselves or they are scared at what people might say. I am done with trying to impress others because I have found that especially with particular members of my family, they don't give a shit about you; they only care about themselves. If they are not on the top or if their child doesn't have the best things or some one is praising you and not their child, then that is no good. They automatically go into this frenzy to turn the attention back on them and their children; god forbid that the attention leaves them for a minute.
This is my chance to push through them and force them to realize that they are not the only ones around. I AM HERE AND I AM NOT GOING ANY WHERE!!!!!!!! If they can't loosen up their ego then they have a rude awakening to face and its not going to be pretty.
I can't wait for the time that the spotlight will be on me and I am ready to shine. I am so thank full for the support I do have from other family members especially my parents. Even if when I was younger, I didn't really understand what they were trying to teach me but it is very clear now. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have the confidence to break out of the shadow.
For my audience out there:
NEVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU THAT YOU CANT BE WHAT AND WHO YOU WANT TO BE!! LET THEM THINK THAT THEY CAN MAKE YOU FALL DOWN BECAUSE WHAT THEY DONT KNOW IS THAT SOONER OR LATER YOU ARE GOING TO RISE FROM THE FOG OF THEIR WORDS AND THEY WILL REALIZE THAT ALL THE HATRED THEY HAVE PUSHED TOWARDS YOU WILL TURN AROUND AND BITE THEM IN THE ASS!!
I want to be a successful woman who can support her self and doesn't need to rely on some one. I want to be a newscaster for Channel 7 News or Good Morning America. Eventually, I want to be a wife and mother who can teach my family what I have learned through all my experiences. I want to be someone that doesn't care what people think and I want to be able to just let their hate full words fly right past me with out having any affect.
What is stopping me? The force stopping me is myself. I am not believing in the fact that I can become all of that if I just believe that it is truly going to work out the way I want.
Today is my last full day in Paramus until tomorrow when I move back home. I am going to take this opportunity of moving back home to start fresh. I am going to become a new me; I am starting at a new school in the end of January and I am going to make new friends; I will make friends that genuinely care about me and I know they wont become back stabbers like some of the friends I have made.
With moving back home, I am going to do a complete turnaround; I am going to start taking better care of my self and my appearance. My mom has always said that if I want to make it big in Newscasting, I have to have a great appearance; She is not just talking about makeup (I rarely wear make up, if I do it is either for a party or I just put on a little), she is also talking about confidence. She tells me that you need to walk with great posture because that will show people that you are confident in yourself and what you are doing. Which is true, I have finally realized that slouching (my personal favorite) does not look good at all. When some one slouches, it means that they are not confident in themselves or they are scared at what people might say. I am done with trying to impress others because I have found that especially with particular members of my family, they don't give a shit about you; they only care about themselves. If they are not on the top or if their child doesn't have the best things or some one is praising you and not their child, then that is no good. They automatically go into this frenzy to turn the attention back on them and their children; god forbid that the attention leaves them for a minute.
This is my chance to push through them and force them to realize that they are not the only ones around. I AM HERE AND I AM NOT GOING ANY WHERE!!!!!!!! If they can't loosen up their ego then they have a rude awakening to face and its not going to be pretty.
I can't wait for the time that the spotlight will be on me and I am ready to shine. I am so thank full for the support I do have from other family members especially my parents. Even if when I was younger, I didn't really understand what they were trying to teach me but it is very clear now. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have the confidence to break out of the shadow.
For my audience out there:
NEVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU THAT YOU CANT BE WHAT AND WHO YOU WANT TO BE!! LET THEM THINK THAT THEY CAN MAKE YOU FALL DOWN BECAUSE WHAT THEY DONT KNOW IS THAT SOONER OR LATER YOU ARE GOING TO RISE FROM THE FOG OF THEIR WORDS AND THEY WILL REALIZE THAT ALL THE HATRED THEY HAVE PUSHED TOWARDS YOU WILL TURN AROUND AND BITE THEM IN THE ASS!!
Thanks for reading and keep an eye out for a new post at the end of the day!!
With love,
Hannah
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