December 18th, 2013: Who I want to be

Since I am in college, I don't get to watch a lot of my favorite TV shows when they first air. So when I sat down to see last night's episode of Awkward, a question from the show got me thinking. Who do I want to be? Like Jenna, it took me a little while to figure it out and then I thought, I have known who I want to be all along but I just didn't accept it as a reality.

I want to be a successful woman who can support her self and doesn't need to rely on some one. I want to be a newscaster for Channel 7 News or Good Morning America. Eventually, I want to be a wife and mother who can teach my family what I have learned through all my experiences. I want to be someone that doesn't care what people think and I want to be able to just let their hate full words fly right past me with out having any affect.

What is stopping me? The force stopping me is myself. I am not believing in the fact that I can become all of that if I just believe that it is truly going to work out the way I want. 

Today is my last full day in Paramus until tomorrow when I move back home. I am going to take this opportunity of moving back home to start fresh. I am going to become a new me; I am starting at a new school in the end of January and I am going to make new friends; I will make friends that genuinely care about me and I know they wont become back stabbers like some of the friends I have made.

With moving back home, I am going to do a complete turnaround; I am going to start taking better care of my self and my appearance. My mom has always said that if I want to make it big in Newscasting, I have to have a great appearance; She is not just talking about makeup (I rarely wear make up, if I do it is either for a party or I just put on a little), she is also talking about confidence. She tells me that you need to walk with great posture because that will show people that you are confident in yourself and what you are doing. Which is true, I have finally realized that slouching (my personal favorite) does not look good at all. When some one slouches, it means that they are not confident in themselves or they are scared at what people might say. I am done with trying to impress others because I have found that especially with particular members of my family, they don't give a shit about you; they only care about themselves. If they are not on the top or if their child doesn't have the best things or some one is praising you and not their child, then that is no good. They automatically go into this frenzy to turn the attention back on them and their children; god forbid that the attention leaves them for a minute.

This is my chance to push through them and force them to realize that they are not the only ones around. I AM HERE AND I AM NOT GOING ANY WHERE!!!!!!!! If they can't loosen up their ego then they have a rude awakening to face and its not going to be pretty.

I can't wait for the time that the spotlight will be on me and I am ready to shine. I am so thank full for the support I do have from other family members especially my parents. Even if when I was younger, I didn't really understand what they were trying to teach me but it is very clear now. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have the confidence to break out of the shadow.

For my audience out there:
NEVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU THAT YOU CANT BE WHAT AND WHO YOU WANT TO BE!! LET THEM THINK THAT THEY CAN MAKE YOU FALL DOWN BECAUSE WHAT THEY DONT KNOW IS THAT SOONER OR LATER YOU ARE GOING TO RISE FROM THE FOG OF THEIR WORDS AND THEY WILL REALIZE THAT ALL THE HATRED THEY HAVE PUSHED TOWARDS YOU WILL TURN AROUND AND BITE THEM IN THE ASS!!

Thanks for reading and keep an eye out for a new post at the end of the day!!

With love,

Hannah