The Day has Come: December 19th, 2013

The day has finally come; the day I get to move back home. Its going to be bittersweet considering the fact that I have been living here for close to 5 months. Even if my journey ended sooner than expected in the beginning of the year, I still enjoyed the experience and the lessons I learned from it. I will cherish the friends I have made and the great professors I had (a select few were great). 

As I sit at my desk and look out the window for the last time in Paramus, I remember that this isn't the end but the beginning of a new journey full of changes and fresh starts.

There is not much else to say right now, but I will definitely post later on and update on how the move went.

~Hannah

December 18th, 2013: End of the day update

As the day is soon to end, I thought I would post an update. My life at FDU has finally ended and it is now time to move back home and start a new life at Middlesex Community College. I had my last final today and I couldn't be happier. Although I am not sure how I did on this final (math), I feel confident that what ever it is will be fine.

Tomorrow marks the day where I can start from scratch and become a new and better version of me. I will be a little sad because my aunt's house has been my home for the past almost 5 months. Although my cousins and I have had our moments (previously shown in other posts), I truly am going to miss them. They were like a brother and sister that I never had, my aunt and uncle were like second parents to me and the fact that they opened up their home to me makes me so appreciative. Its amazing because it feels like yesterday that I moved in; its surreal because the time has gone so fast. 

I also am thankful for moving up north because I got to see my grandfather more before he passed. I will always cherish the extra days I had with him that I probably would not have had if it wasn't for moving into Bergen County.

Its especially going to be hard this Christmas because it is going to be the first with out my Nonno. Then a couple days after Christmas is my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary; that is going to be especially hard for my grandmother. Hopefully we can keep the Christmas spirit alive while knowing that our grandfather will be forever in our hearts and memory.

Overall I had a pretty good day and I cant wait for tomorrow (minus the loading my car with all my stuff) so I can finally be back at home with my favorite cat and dog and parents.

I will make sure to post tomorrow and let all of you know how the day turned out!!

Good Night!!

~Hannah Fakhrzadeh

December 18th, 2013: Who I want to be

Since I am in college, I don't get to watch a lot of my favorite TV shows when they first air. So when I sat down to see last night's episode of Awkward, a question from the show got me thinking. Who do I want to be? Like Jenna, it took me a little while to figure it out and then I thought, I have known who I want to be all along but I just didn't accept it as a reality.

I want to be a successful woman who can support her self and doesn't need to rely on some one. I want to be a newscaster for Channel 7 News or Good Morning America. Eventually, I want to be a wife and mother who can teach my family what I have learned through all my experiences. I want to be someone that doesn't care what people think and I want to be able to just let their hate full words fly right past me with out having any affect.

What is stopping me? The force stopping me is myself. I am not believing in the fact that I can become all of that if I just believe that it is truly going to work out the way I want. 

Today is my last full day in Paramus until tomorrow when I move back home. I am going to take this opportunity of moving back home to start fresh. I am going to become a new me; I am starting at a new school in the end of January and I am going to make new friends; I will make friends that genuinely care about me and I know they wont become back stabbers like some of the friends I have made.

With moving back home, I am going to do a complete turnaround; I am going to start taking better care of my self and my appearance. My mom has always said that if I want to make it big in Newscasting, I have to have a great appearance; She is not just talking about makeup (I rarely wear make up, if I do it is either for a party or I just put on a little), she is also talking about confidence. She tells me that you need to walk with great posture because that will show people that you are confident in yourself and what you are doing. Which is true, I have finally realized that slouching (my personal favorite) does not look good at all. When some one slouches, it means that they are not confident in themselves or they are scared at what people might say. I am done with trying to impress others because I have found that especially with particular members of my family, they don't give a shit about you; they only care about themselves. If they are not on the top or if their child doesn't have the best things or some one is praising you and not their child, then that is no good. They automatically go into this frenzy to turn the attention back on them and their children; god forbid that the attention leaves them for a minute.

This is my chance to push through them and force them to realize that they are not the only ones around. I AM HERE AND I AM NOT GOING ANY WHERE!!!!!!!! If they can't loosen up their ego then they have a rude awakening to face and its not going to be pretty.

I can't wait for the time that the spotlight will be on me and I am ready to shine. I am so thank full for the support I do have from other family members especially my parents. Even if when I was younger, I didn't really understand what they were trying to teach me but it is very clear now. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have the confidence to break out of the shadow.

For my audience out there:
NEVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU THAT YOU CANT BE WHAT AND WHO YOU WANT TO BE!! LET THEM THINK THAT THEY CAN MAKE YOU FALL DOWN BECAUSE WHAT THEY DONT KNOW IS THAT SOONER OR LATER YOU ARE GOING TO RISE FROM THE FOG OF THEIR WORDS AND THEY WILL REALIZE THAT ALL THE HATRED THEY HAVE PUSHED TOWARDS YOU WILL TURN AROUND AND BITE THEM IN THE ASS!!

Thanks for reading and keep an eye out for a new post at the end of the day!!

With love,

Hannah

The Hardest Time of the Year

For me, this holiday season is going to be the hardest. My grandfather past away on September 7th of this year and now the holidays are approaching. We got through Thanksgiving missing him greatly since my grandfather used to love making the stuffing for the Turkey. Thanksgiving this year was not as happy as it should have been since we were all shedding tears since none of us really got over his death. As we sat and ate our meal, we felt and knew that something was missing; it just didn't feel the same. Now with Christmas coming in about two weeks, that is going to be more tears that we all shed. I really don't know how we are going to be able to get through it. I don't even know how my grandmother is going to get through it, she lost her husband; she has been with him for a long time since they got married when they were very young. They would have celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary but unfortunately, my grandfather couldn't be here.

We were all extremely close to him and it was extremely hard at his funeral and then his burial. My cousins and I wrote a little something for him but I read it on behalf of them because they couldn't handle it. I almost didn't get through it; I started crying midway and it wasn't until my uncle and the priest came over and assured me that I could do it. Thanks to them, I built up enough courage to finish it and even now thinking about it makes me cry. Please look directly under for the little something we wrote, it said:

Hi Nonno,

You are a good hearted and hard working man who deserves the best.

Even though you left us you will still be with us every step of the way in our hearts and in our memory.

We wanted to remind you of all the good things we will remember you by. 

You have a smile that made everyone smile, you have a laugh that filled a room with joy and just being around you was a wonderful feeling.

You will be missed greatly by all your children, grandchildren and many more. 

We love you non no, we always will. 

To show you how much we love you we want to give you a lucky angel rock so that you can always remember us.

I must say, that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but after, I felt a sense of peace that he was in a better place. We all felt lucky that we were able to take one last trip with him; we took a cruise to Bermuda and we cherished every moment we had with him on the cruise. We had many laughs with him and I have a moment that is stuck in my head. I remember him sitting at the slot machines in the boat and I remember I sat with him and he was laughing and enjoying himself. He was having so much fun that he didn't want to leave. There is only one thing that is important, that is to cherish the moments we had with him and cherish the moments we will have in the future because he will always and forever be in our hearts.

He was a strong man and I praise him for that. He fought until the end and he didn't want to give up. Thankfully the whole family was there to say goodbye except that my father missed his chance. I remember it like it was yesterday, we didn't want to let him know that my grandfather had passed because my father was still driving. But I remember when he got to the hospital and my aunt, uncle and mom told him that he was gone, my father lost it. He bursted into tears and ran up and down the hospital hallway because he couldn't believe it. When he finally pulled it together and came into the room, he saw everyone with their eyes blown up and puffy because of all the crying we had done. He calmed down after a while and joined us in prayer along with the priest.

Hopefully with time we will all heal but for now we are still mourning the death of our dearest husband, father, grandfather, uncle, cousin and friend. He will forever be in our minds and hearts and we will never ever forget the time we were blessed to have with him.

We all love you Nonno and we hope you are proud with all we have done!

Love always,

Hannah